I feel like a failure. First, I wasn't able to give birth naturally - I was deathly afraid of being operated on and I felt that my child missed out on all the benefits of a vaginal birth.
Next, I resorted to formula milk on the third day. I had been trying to breastfeed, but noticed that her diapers were clean (no poop or pee) and she also looked desperately hungry despite my efforts. I don't know how something that's supposed to be natural can be so difficult.
Hannah is now three months old, but I haven't made much progress as she still cries even after an hour of breastfeeding. She sometimes gets satisfied, though for most the of the day, I am just the human pacifier. I've kind of given up - anyway, my husband was completely formula fed and he turned out alright (my mother-in-law found the process too painful).
I really envy those who have so much milk that they store the excess in the freezer for other people to use. The most I've ever pumped was four ounces and that was just a one time event - usually, I'm lucky to even get two ounces.
Take note that I am still taking malunggay supplements and we even hired a lactation consultant,
Nona Andaya-Castillo. Nanay Nona was extremely helpful and informative (we would definitely recommend her to anyone who needs help with breastfeeding), but there's not much that can be done if mother nature isn't cooperating.
Oh, well.