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05 June 2015

I feel like a failure. First, I wasn't able to give birth naturally - I was deathly afraid of being operated on and I felt that my child missed out on all the benefits of a vaginal birth.

Next, I resorted to formula milk on the third day. I had been trying to breastfeed, but noticed that her diapers were clean (no poop or pee) and she also looked desperately hungry despite my efforts. I don't know how something that's supposed to be natural can be so difficult.

Hannah is now three months old, but I haven't made much progress as she still cries even after an hour of breastfeeding. She sometimes gets satisfied, though for most the of the day, I am just the human pacifier. I've kind of given up - anyway, my husband was completely formula fed and he turned out alright (my mother-in-law found the process too painful).

I really envy those who have so much milk that they store the excess in the freezer for other people to use. The most I've ever pumped was four ounces and that was just a one time event - usually, I'm lucky to even get two ounces.

Take note that I am still taking malunggay supplements and we even hired a lactation consultant, Nona Andaya-Castillo. Nanay Nona was extremely helpful and informative (we would definitely recommend her to anyone who needs help with breastfeeding), but there's not much that can be done if mother nature isn't cooperating.

Oh, well.

4 comments:

Amy @ The Tide That Left said...

I'm so sorry you feel like a failure, but you're really not. There is nothing from with formula, and the world needs to stop making people feel like there is. It's a shame you feel you have to stop breastfeeding since it was so important to you that you carry, but I hardly think you can call three months of trying a failure. Incidentally, I chose to formula feed before my son was born. He's 10 months old now; happy, health and strong. I also had an emergency c-section. I feel like neither of these things make me a failure as a mother. Quite the opposite actually. Every decision you make has to have you and baby at the centre of it, and if they do, you're doing the right thing.

Nicole said...

Thanks so much Amy! Yup, I've read about studies that point out there's really not much difference between formula and breast-fed babies so I'm feeling better about everything. Also, I was breast-fed as a baby (for three months), but my husband was completely on formula and he's done way better than I have both academically and professionally!

crazyshopaholicme said...

Hi Nicole! Yup I agree, do not feel like you are a failure. No one can say that moms fail/will fail as all mothers decide on what they think are best for their kids. Both of my kids came out thru C-sections as I had complications with both pregnancies (placenta accreta). Both are formula-fed from Day 1 since I had inverted nips. The only way I can give them milk was when I expressed it. I had lactation nurses help me but it was still very difficult. I decided not to starve both of them when I couldn't keep up with their demand for nutrition. I still pumped milk and gave them whatever I can. I don't think I failed in that aspect. Although I wouldn't have any comparison, but both of them are healthy sans being exclusively breastfed. My eldest is now 6 years old, and she never had any serious illness. When she was an infant, she only had fever when she started teething. Aside from that, no cough, colds or any other illness. She only got this when she started school and got exposed to viruses. My youngest is now 7 months old, and she seems to be the same. So there, just sharing my thoughts and experience :)

Nicole said...

Thanks Marie =D I'm so glad you mentioned that Mischa only had a fever when she started teething. Someone I know mentioned that her kids had more health problems once they switched to formula so I was a bit worried. Thanks again!

 
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